My girlfriend H is very ill.
It all started nearly three years ago. She was experiencing some nervous system disorders. Visual disturbances, trouble walking, et cetera. We went to the ER and the doctor there told us that she had Multiple Sclerosis. She had an MRI done that showed lesions in her brain.
Her first neurologist was convinced that she had a conversion disorder. She was offended. He said that it was something that was usually caused by some sort of childhood trauma.
We found another neurologist, conveniently located in our home town (see below re: our having in fact just moved away).
We had actually just moved a little over an hour away from our home town. She'd never lived that far away before. We're in our thirties. It took several months in this economy, but i finally found a job here, working in a call center, doing hateful, miserable, depressing work. Things weren't going so well for her physically, and i had to take a lot of time off from work. It got down to the wire and so, rather than lose my job, i decided that i should quit instead. I've spent two years since then just trying to do things for her, take care of her, take her to her appointments, to work, help her get around, doing dishes and laundry and cleaning and things (most of the latter bits i'm afraid i am actually quite terrible and infrequent about). She was actually in a wheelchair for some of this time, on and off. She'd also never driven a car, so i have to provide her transportation everywhere she needs to go.
In the meantime, her second neurologist had also been having doubts about her diagnosis. Certain things just didn't fit.
Fast-forward a little over two terrible, agonizing years... she'd reached a devastating crescendo in discomfort and pain and practically unmanageable symptoms. She just wasn't responding positively to her drug regimen. In addition to the usual symptoms, she was also now having spasms, convulsions, and pseudo-epileptic fits. Her neurologist was trying - gently at first, then later on becoming more definite about it - to get her to go to a huge hospital on the extreme northern end of the state we'd just moved south out of. In a fit of panicked desperation, i told the staff that she needed help, in rather tense terms. They made us an appointment, getting us in immediately to this big hospital. It would be terribly costly for us to make the trip, but we did it.
That's when we found out: her original neurologist was basically right. She really didn't have MS at all. She had a somatization disorder. She started therapy soon after.
She's said she's always heard voices in her head. Now they occasionally take over. Sometimes one of them makes her hurt herself. Lately, she's been seeing people who aren't there, and getting a horrifying, paranoid Fear that monsters are going to attack her. She can't take any stress at all. Unfortunately, due to her missing tons of work, her bosses have been somewhat unkind to her of late. This naturally just exacerbates things. It's a vicious, vicious cycle.
I'm actively looking for work again, too, because i know that it will definitely take a lot of strain off of her, but i'm still just terrified of what might happen while i'm away. I mean it will absolutely be my fault if she has a psychotic episode and hurts herself or runs away or does something dreadful.
That's the spot i'm in. Welcome to my nightmare.
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