This or that

Dr. C. finally called. H can either try stopping her new haldol Rx or go to the hospital. We're trying to avoid the hospital option, but it's clear that i can't keep my eyes on her 24/7. If we go to the hospital, it could be a grim situation, as her job hangs on the balance right now (more on that later), and the local hospital just isn't knowledgeable enough to handle patients with DID, believe it or not. The last time she was admitted (which was the first time for this kind of thing), they wanted to immediately book her for speaking engagements, for fuck's sake. I'm not even kidding. They wanted to parade her around like some sort of a freak.

She's sleeping now. We'll see if things calm down, but i bet they won't, and i bet this is gonna be a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong weekend coming up.

Post the third

Jesus Christ! I cannot turn my back today. I took my eyes off of her for just a few minutes and she gouged her belly with the stabby thing from her glucose test kit. The lancet - that's it. The lancet.

Earlier (today) she'd done the same thing with a bobby pin.

(This is all before noon, btw.)

I admit that i have not hidden the bobby pins and it is intentional. "Cathy" always seems to go for them because they're handy. She'll use whatever's around, so i've tried my best to hide things like knives, scissors, screwdrivers, tape dispensers, etc. In fact, i really wish i knew where i put some of that shit, actually. Bobby pins are rarely lethal. I prefer she not have to improvise, because i cannot possibly predict what she might come up with to use.

I am still waiting to hear back from Dr. C. If i take her to the hospital, they will keep her for a few days. Maybe that's what she needs, but we've already done that and it turned out to be more of a negative experience than we would have liked. Not that we were expecting it to be enjoyable.

Note to self: write about that at some point.

Second post

H, my SO, is staying home today. Her alters are very agitated so she can't go to work. One of them (Cathy) is trying like mad to hurt her. I've got this covered, but DAMN this is difficult emotionally.

On top of that, i'm super tired from staying up all night worrying. Thankfully, H is sleeping now. I left a message on her psychiatrist's voicemail asking if there's anything i can try. She's still very new at seeing psychedoctors and having prescriptions and getting the help that she needs. So maybe we just need to ramp something up, or ramp something down, medicine-wise. She's not quite calm enough to meditate.

My knuckle still hurts a little from yesterday, when i punched a wood & cord style baby gate we use for the dogs. It was the most punchable object around at the time, and her alter Cathy had just scratched the hell out of H's leg after having promised me that she wouldn't do it again.

I know that punching things is counterproductive. I just needed to do it at the time. I don't usually go around punching things. That's part of the reason i made this blog. I need ventilation. Things have been... difficult.

First post

This is my first post, which i am creating primarily so i can layout the page. I'm already all over the internet as it is, but this blog is intentionally anonymous. This is where i can let it all out. All the frustration, the despair, the pain, and even the tiny victories that come with loving someone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Everything past this point will be nonsense. And i don't just mean the text below.

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