So, it's been awhile

Just a little update.

H has changed jobs. The last one didn't work out. She went a little while without working, and got on a combination of meds which seemed to shift her a lot closer to reality. Her psychiatrist believes that she is not in fact dealing with DID after all, but instead is schizophrenic - and thus 'open to suggestion'. Well, i can believe that she is suggestible. We lived for two and a half years with a false case of multiple sclerosis. (Always has to be multiple something.)

I'm not even sure how any of it ever happened in the first place. And i'm not sure how it all ended. But she's better now, and working again, and no longer cutting and changing personalities. She's doing much better.

Not perfect. Not even close. But she and I aren't in hell anymore.

The worst thing now is that she's addicted to spending all of the money and leaving us piss-broke.

I guess i'm just going to take that and be happy with it, all things considered.

So i'm going to leave this blog up as an archive, a museum piece of sorts. This is how we once lived.

The end.

?

Meeting adjourned

H had been doing pretty well lately. However, i just got off the phone with her. She was in a meeting and suddenly flipped out and started yelling around about her coworkers and boss being against her and all that. She's still at work and more rational but in the bathroom crying. She told me not to come up there that she had to go back inside. Who knows what will come of this, but definitely nothing good at this point. Fuck.

small update

So, a few weeks ago we went to the ER because H was having difficulty breathing, and i was concerned that it was due to an interaction between Haldol and Geodon. The ER doctor temporarily took her off the Haldol until she could see her psychiatrist. Now she's back on it, at half her miniscule dosage. Things are more or less fine. No voices and few hallucinations. Hooray!

Turned away

So i worked a late shift on Sunday night. I got home around 2am. H said the next day that Victor was being really crazy and trying to scare her. She heard the doorknob rattling as if someone was trying to get in, but it was just an auditory hallucination. She was in a bad state and resumed cutting herself with her insulin needles. Obviously, the cuts are only skin deep. No big deal, really, but she told me that she'd had some suicidal ideation. However, she said she didn't try to act on it; it was only fleeting. This whole business kind of went on and she'd cut herself again and finally i decided i'd had it with the whole mess and told her she was definitely going into the hospital, where i assumed they'd keep for another 4-5 days like the last couple of times.

I did a little bit of punching, too. Not her! Christ, no! I punched the trash can, and i think that was the day i head-butted my PC (which is running just fine, more or less, thanks). I also somehow bruised my knee. I think it was on a door. Oh and i threw my mouse pretty hard down the hallway. Frustration got the better of me.

Shortly before we were to head out the door, she had to take some insulin and did it right in front of me. She didn't appear to know what she was doing. She seemed automatic and not present. When we got outside, she went in one direction while i went another. I got in the car and made it to where she was, maybe 80 yards away or so.

They didn't keep her this time. I guess they must have had some space issues. They said she didn't fit the criteria for holding her there so they were just gonna release her.

She's now on Haldol in addition to her other meds. She's been a little more stable. I worry about the combination of Haldol and Geodon, because the pharmacist said she had to override it and mark that i had been advised and understood that an interaction can happen resulting in heart arrhythmia. Sigh.

Also, i had to take a third day off of work in as many weeks. We only get one day per month. They were really shitty with me. Just really snotty about it. Fuck 'em. I'll find another job soon i hope. I went ahead and assumed i was fired since they strongly suggested it would happen. Weh.

Addendum

So last night was not pleasant, but my simplified, condensed version was a little dramatic, not to mention how bent out of shape i was at the time i typed it. Suffice it to say that H and i were both a little unprepared for each other's reactions. She was, in her own words, being a brat (really, i would say not so much a brat but just a little needy and whiny), and i was being negatively defensive. We both became hypersensitive and things got blown out of proportion.

I did kick the hell out of the baby-gate, and i did noisily throw the hell out of the trash into the dumpster. I did yell a bit. She did cry. I did hand her the phone, angered that she implied that i had injured her by applying peroxide to her fresh cuts, which she did lock herself in the bathroom to apply, leaving me to attempt to force my way in to stop her from doing so. She did open the door while i was making this attempt.

We did apologize to one another.

Such is stress. Things get out of hand, exacerbated by this intense thing she is experiencing, which seems now to be a combination of schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder. I get overly frustrated.

To be honest, i thought that things would get better as i started working and bringing in a little income to help with the bills, but in reality, i am more unavailable, and have in fact yet to see my first check, much less my first full paycheck, which will rarely ever have full-time hours posted within.

Also i have been rather sick lately, and working in a very hot environment. The car's timing belt is in dire need of repair, and thanks to the design of the New Beetle's engine, if it breaks it could cause serious engine damage which we cannot afford. So along with that worry, i take my breaks in a hot, non- air-conditioned vehicle, parked out in the hot summer sun. I come home worn the fuck out and having to face the painful reality of her mental state is not at all a welcome respite from anything.

Even so, i overreacted badly. Everything is a learning experience now.